Tuesday, February 3, 2009

...aDriFt aT sEa...

"How can a few simple lines...read aloud...in a public place...make me want to cry?  How can a person come into my life for such a short time and and leave such a lasting impression?  How can some of the people that I love so much...hurt me so bad?  How can I be so strong...yet so fragile?  How can I laugh on the outside when I'm sobbing on the inside?  How can I believe so deeply...and still have questions?"  

I have started about five different posts over the past week.  I have been unable to complete a single one.  I feel adrift at sea.  I cannot seem to convey the way I feel like I usually can.  I am distracted.  I feel blank...conflicted.  I'm not quite sure what the point of all this is, but these are the thoughts in my head that weigh heavy on my heart today.  I sometimes wonder if I am alone...I wonder, "Do other people have the kinds of thoughts I am having?".

I know I will be okay.  I wanna cry when I read certain words because those words touch my heart.  My life has been touched because I broke down walls and trusted.  I can be hurt because I have a heart...because I care.  I can be both strong and fragile because I'm working everyday to face my fears and become the strong person I want to be.  I laugh on the outside when I am sad on the inside because I WANT to be happy in spite of any struggles or hurt that I may encounter.  I can believe and question because that is what life is about.  I may feel adrift and conflicted...but I will be okay and I will find my way back to shore. 


Shorty said...

I don't think what you're describing is uncommon at all. Being able to be moved by emotion is a good thing, in my opinion.

I definitely have lost moments...sometimes days at a time. One thing that has helped me is to find things to do (getting back to some old hobbies & interests) that have nothing to do with anyone but myself. Things that no one can work on but me. It's been gratifying seeing what I can accomplish w/o worrying about anyone's thoughts or opinions but my own. It has helped me to find more value within myself. It's definitely made me stronger.

I'd love to chat if you need someone to talk to about this. You are welcome to call me anytime, my friend!

s said...

yeah, this is totally normal for the female persuasion. i feel this ALL the time. i think just getting it out helps. you are so special to me and i love you so much. it makes me hurt to know that you are struggling. gimme a call anytime lady.

MC said...

Thank you ladies! I'm so lucky to have you both in my life!