Thursday, January 29, 2009

a "MILF"?!?...wHo mE?...

I guess it was about 4 years ago...  I was walking through the mall with my 3 yr old on my hip and my 5 and 8 yr old trailing behind me with my Nanny.  It was crowded.  In fact, if I remember correctly, it was Christmas time.  As we walked past the food court, I noticed some young college aged guys staring, but I paid no attention until my Nanny looked at me and said, "OH MY GOSH!  Did you hear what those guys said about you?!?"  I, said, "No!  What?!?"  She made a funny face..."I can't tell you in front of the kids!  I'll tell you later."  My heart sank.  I assumed the worst.  I was convinced that they were making fun of me...that something was terribly wrong with me.  I couldn't stop thinking about it.

We got to the car and my Nanny helped get the kids in and then came around to the back where I was loading shopping bags.  In a loud whisper she said, "Those guys were calling you a MILF!!!"  I guess I had a really puzzled look on my face...and in my head I was thinking.."OMG!  What does that mean?  Is MILF anything like FUGLY?  Did those guys think I'm ugly...or gross?  What the hell is a MILF?"  She giggled and asked, "Did you ever see American Pie?"  I replied, "No, I never had ANY desire to watch it.  Why?"  "Because!" she said, "Then you would know what MILF means!"  Exasperated and desperate to know, I asked..."What on earth is a MILF?!?!"  She looked a little uncomfortable and said, "A Mom I'd like toooo...."  STILL puzzled..."Huh?"  "You know, A Mom I'd like to 'F'!!!"  A slight pause and then it finally penetrated..."Oh! Oh..."  That was the first time I ever heard that expression...and while I KNEW I should be offended...disgusted...there was a tiny part of me that liked it.

So today...I went to lunch with my Sis at a restaurant that we frequent.  There's the sweetest, most hilarious gay waiter there.  He LOVES my sister.  When we got there, we requested his section and the hostess showed us to our booth.  Once I sat my purse down, I went to the restroom to wash the chalk off my hands from the gym.  As I headed back to the table, our waiter met me and gave me a big hug.  During the hug, he said "ALL the guys that work here have been running up to me asking 'Who's the MILF'?  My response..."WHO?  ME?!?!"  He laughed, "Yeah...YOU girl!"  It was as shocking today as it was years ago, but it really got funny when my sister told me to go over there and show our "friend" the tank (pictured below) I was wearing under my jacket. Me...being the oblivious idiot that I am...said "Ok."  I walked over to him and said, "So, I'm supposed to show you my tank, huh?"  He smiled..."Yeah, your sister told me about it!"  I'm not thinking a thing about lifting up my pullover to show what is written across my boobs, because after all...he IS gay.  What I didn't pay attention to, is the fact that he was NOT alone...there were lots of other waiters over there, when I showed off my...ummmm...shirt.  They all loved it...needless to say and it wasn't until our waiter came over laughing that I realized what I had done.  Through his laughter he said, "All those guys just walked up to me and said 'THANK YOU'!!!!"  Gasp!  "Oh my!  I didn't even think about that!"

Maybe it was yet another "blonde moment"...maybe it's that I just never can grasp the fact that I would be categorized as a MILF.  Either way...I'm still scratching my head...asking, "A MILF?!?  Who?  ME?!?"

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