Most women don't want a big butt. Most women live in fear that their butt will look big in their jeans. Most women that work with a personal trainer want help becoming smaller...especially when it comes to their butt. Well, it's pretty obvious by now that I am NOT like "most" women...in this way or in many other ways. I like my butt big and round.
My old trainer, my friend...he understood and he delivered...I had a big butt...a really good, high, big butt. But most people...most people think I'm crazy...they wonder why ANY woman would WANT a big butt. My new trainer is surprised by this. He asks, "Do you REALLY want a "badonka donk butt"? My brother asks me if I know I'm a white girl...and YES...I know I'm a white girl. Lots of people think it's a joke...it's understandable. So, one day, I'm talking to a big, body builder type trainer at the gym. We are talking about my workouts...my diet habits...just random "workout stuff". And then...somehow...we got on the subject of my butt and my desire for it to be bigger. He laughed and said, "Now remember...there's a difference between quantity and quality!" We laughed and the conversation ended...but it got me thinking...not just about my butt...but about everything in my life.
The last few days...laying in bed recovering after surgery...I've had some extra time to think. It is so interesting to see who in my life is really here...when it's hard...when it's not fun...when I need help...when I have nothing to offer. I've always felt a bit sad that I don't have many friends...worried that I'm not good enough. I feel unlucky...like I'm missing out on something. I was home alone on Saturday...it was quiet...I had just woken up from a good, hard, drug induced nap. I was laying in bed, trying to wake up, and I decided to open my computer. A friend sent me an e-mail checking on me. After reading it, I thought about my friends and I thought about those words I heard not so long ago... "Now remember...there's a difference between quantity and quality!".
AHA! Everything became clear. No, I don't have a large QUANTITY of friends, but the few I have are QUALITY friends. I have a sister that is the best friend I will ever have. She's been there my whole life...she doesn't just know my history...she's part of it. She knows my darkest secrets and she has been a part of my greatest joys. We can speak to each other without saying a word. She can tell me things that no one else can. She is my greatest cheerleader. She thinks she needs me...that I am the strong one...but I know that it's the other way around. She is the reason that I tell my daughters, "You will never have a better friend than your sister." S, I love you with all my heart!
I have a dear friend...one of my favorite people in the world. I like him so much that I let him tell me what to do...and I don't let ANYONE tell me what to do. He has pushed me to my limits and he has comforted me in times of sorrow. He has helped me see the world differently and helped mold me into the best version of myself. No one makes me laugh like he does. He is far away now...and I miss him all the time...but even after all this time...when we speak...it's as if no time has passed. When we speak...I am happier than I was before. We can talk about anything...from frozen dinners to religion. He has an amazing...almost scary ability to call or text me at the very moment that I need him the most. He IS truly my real life super hero. W, I feel privileged to call you my friend!
I have a new friend...my new trainer. We are just beginning to know each other, but still he has shown genuine concern in times of trial. He has been my workout partner and has helped me accomplish one of the things I thought I would never do...because he refused to believe me when I said, "I can't." and he didn't give up on me. He has reminded me that there is always room for improvement. His texts and emails over the past week, have let me know that I may be gone but I am not forgotten. J, I haven't known you long, but I'm glad that our paths have crossed!
Last but not least is my husband...not only is he my partner and my love...but he is my friend. We may be two very different people with very different ideas at times, but we always find a way to meet in the middle. He has put up with me for many years...and he has sacrificed HIS wants for mine...many times. After almost 2 decades, we haven't run out of things to talk about. He has loved me for better or worse...fat or thin...happy or sad. He appreciates my strengths and forgives my weaknesses. He loves me when I am most unloveable...he allows me the space I need to grow...and he's given me the most precious possessions I have...our kids. I love you, P!
I've realized that while I've been looking for more...I should've of been appreciating the abundance of what I have. What I have, may not be great in numbers...but what I have...is precious...priceless. What I have...is QUALITY!