Today, I'm a mess. I look like what I call "the ass end of hard times" (excuse my french). My hair is stringy. My face looks dull and my belly is "poochy" from too many pancakes at IHOP. I'm sleepy and cranky and I can't seem to take a joke. My 12 year old daughter once called me a "FUN-SUCKER", because she said I "suck the fun out of everything". I was highly offended and I would normally disagree...but I think the title is fitting today. It makes me feel old. Actually, with my 39th birthday fast approaching...I feel like I AM getting old...and if any of these things that I am about to describe apply to you...chances are...you are getting old too!
YOU KNOW YOU ARE GETTING OLD WHEN...
*You hear the song "1985" by Bowling for Soup and you think..."WOW! Is that song about ME?"
*You can't tell how old people are...all you know is they ALL look younger than you.
*You lie on a bed...head practically hanging upside down...and look into a mirror to see if you look better with gravity pulling your face back.
*You say words like "grody".
*You can say the lines of movies like Sixteen Candles" ("Whats a happenin, Hot Stuff!")..."St. Elmo's Fire" (KIRBY! You'll freeze to death!")..."Say Anything" ("I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen.") or "Breakfast Club" ("You mess with the bull, you'll get the horns!") right along with the characters...AND you still laugh...every time.
*You complain of knee and hip pain...and your joints sound like Rice Krispies...snap! crackle! pop!...when you move too quickly or you bend down to pick something up off the floor.
*You are asked if you're eligible for the "SENIOR CITIZEN DISCOUNT" at Ross on a Tuesday by a moron behind the counter with a double digit I.Q....I mean seriously! I don't look a day over 40! (j/k...I'm 38 and that IS a TRUE story...one that nearly caused me to commit an assault!)
*You can't watch a movie on DVD past 9 pm without falling asleep.
*You are too TIRED to go to the mall (that's just sad!).
The fact is...most people say I look younger than my age...and I work hard to maintain ANY semblance of my youth. Somedays, I feel young...vibrant...strong. Others...like today...I feel old. I'm gonna go watch "Weird Science" or somethin.